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Toytown Thinking

A humorous (and entirely fictional) look inside the head of an attendee at a Toytown “Indecisive 20-somethings” meet up.

First meet up:

Man this bar is hard to find, is there even a sign? What the hell is a strasse?

Oh okay, those people are speaking English; I’ll just follow them into that bar.

I think this is the right spot; there are a lot of people speaking English. I’ll just get a beer and survey the crowd.

What is a “helles” and why is that the only thing everyone is getting? I guess I’ll get one too.

I can’t tell if this beer is cheap or expensive, damn these coins!

Say this isn’t bad beer at all.

I’ll go talk to that group. Hmm, I’m pretty sure that’s an English accent, or maybe Irish, how exotic!

What does genau mean and why do they keep repeating it over and over?

What the hell is an au pair and why is every girl here one?

I’m clearly going to need more beer tonight.

Hey these guys I started talking to at the bar seem cool, nice mix, American, Australian, British, Canadian, maybe they can explain some of the German stuff I’m confused about.

No stores open at all on Sunday? This calls for a shot, bartender here’s some of the funny play money you use here, set us up.

Man, there sure are a lot of blonde girls here.

Holy crap! That couple is making out right in the middle of the room and everyone is acting like it’s totally normal.

What does being from New Zealand have to do with it?

Well I guess there’s plenty of couples indulging, must be some European thing, I shall have to adapt to this culture.

Well I certainly have made a lot of new friends. I like how there’s no stress or drama here, it’s a very relaxed atmosphere.

Damn, the last train leaves in five minutes, I have to run, can’t wait for next week.

Sixth meet up:

Why is it that whatever bar I vote for is not the bar we end up at?

And why must the bars always be so far away from where I live?

Ah nice, the usual crew is here, yes, ein helles bitte Mr. bartender. I wonder if he can tell I’m American.

Oh no, it’s that girl I made out with two weeks ago. Why did I do that in public?! Now everyone knows and wonders why I don’t talk to her anymore.

Dodged that bullet, she’s making out with someone else now, awkward moment averted.

Hey that girl is new I should go talk to…damn that guy got in ahead of me. Oh well, maybe she has a boyfriend or something.

Why do some people insist on singing along to bar music? This isn’t karaoke night, none of you can carry a tune, and you’re making the few Germans left here hate us even more.

Why yes, tequila does seem like a good idea thank you.

Yes, you should fight him! Do it!

No, no, fight not bite!

Wait why do we hate those people again? I wasn’t here for that. When did all this drama start?

Why are all the best and worst stories about people from Australia and New Zealand?

I’m going to the bathroom, if I can find it.

All right I’m back, where did everyone go? Fine I’ll talk to this guy, he seems cool.

What the hell is Eurocopter?

Oh my God stop talking about it I am so bored!

Buying me a drink? Okay, continue with that story.

Seriously where are my friends?

Well that explains it, making out in the corner, practically private by Toytown standards.

Crap! She’s not making out with that guy anymore, oh gee look at the time, later new friend whose name I forget already, to the train!

Twenty-third meet up:

Who the hell are all these new people?

I feel like I’m in my last year of high school again, surrounded by naïve and eager youngsters who have no idea what’s ahead of them, except instead of school work and tests it’s alcohol and making out.

How I envy them.

Hey guys what’s up? Where’s…? Oh you broke up again? Well I guess she is only “Toytown pretty” but you seemed to like kissing her. Yes I could tell, it was right in front of me many times remember? Okay okay, consider her and her friends shunned.

Yeah it’s my last one I want to go out with a bang. What do you mean I seem pretty drunk considering it’s only nine, I said I wanted to go out with a bang didn’t I? Now catch up!

See the thing about European girls is…the thing is…they have accents, and it’s like they don’t speak English like I do, you know what I mean? Sweden? The one in Canada?

What are you doing man, that Canadian chick was totally into me! I was gonna “pull a bird” or whatever you call it in France. Do I need special tools for that by the way?

Okay sitting here quietly for thirty minutes has sobered me up some, thanks for your help. Have you seen that Swedish…dude is she making out with another girl?

Why is Europe like a college party?

I really think I’ve learned a lot about other cultures here you know? I mean I’ve met people from the south! Well yeah the south of the U.S. but still, did you know that people from there can’t say “world?” It comes out “word.”

No that’s not all I’ve learned. I learned that national stereotypes are disturbingly true and that just because Scotland is the size of a postage stamp doesn’t mean people from Glasgow can’t hate people from Edinburgh.

I just realized I’ve made out with half the girls here…and so has almost every guy here.

Oh hello there. Why yes I have been to a few of these before. You just arrived from Ireland you say? An au pair? No please do explain what that is, I don’t think I know. Yes I think you will find everyone in Germany to be very friendly, especially at Toytown. Why don’t I tell you all about it…

The next day, on the plane home:

Why is there a tattoo of a four-leaf clover and “TT 4 Life” on my chest…

Categories: Germany, Personal
  1. May 19, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    Swedish girls are strange.

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